bouts of loneliness

[Tony]

I need to understand how to stop frequent feelings of loneliness I
have. They started a few months ago, after I tried asking a girl I
really liked, out but failed due to lack of courage (in other words,
extreme shyness). It was shortly after this that I began having bouts
of extreme loneliness which are often accompanied by hopelessness and
depression.

These feelings are an almost daily occurrence - usually in the late
afternoon or evenings and sometimes lasts as long as 2 hours. And it
doesn't make any difference whether I'm alone or in a crowd of people
whom I don't know - it still happens. But it goes away briefly if I
speak to anyone especially if the conversation is stimulating. I have
freinds to talk but the feelings come back the next day.

Even if I did get together with this girl the problem wouldn't be
solved. Why? Because I don't know the reason I now have these feelings
and they could come back if I'm rejected. And I probably will be - it
turns out this girl is a lot younger than I thought. I think she showed
interest in me because it happens that I look younger for my age (both
physically intellectually) and probably gave her the impression that
I'm around her age.

But regardless of age I experience sadness and loneliness just like
others would if they had no one to share their life with. I see no
reason why I should not live a happy life.
Anyone who takes the time to get to know me notices that I'm a really
nice person with high moral values. But shyness often give off
inaccurate impressions about who really I am.

I'm very depressed that shyness will probably keep me from even finding
a girlfriend. Whenever I see couples holding hands and laughing I feel
sad. For I know I will probably never experience the joy of having
someone to share my life with; never have a girl call me at home to see
how I'm doing, and never have someone to share my thoughts, feelings or
even problems with. :(

I'm not more alone now than I was before I ran into her. So I can not
understand why I'm experiencing this now!!
I need to understand why these feelings occur and how to stop them
before moving on.

=====
Tony


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[parv]

in message <***@posting.google.com>,
wrote Tony ...

Post by Tony
I need to understand how to stop frequent feelings of loneliness I
have. They started a few months ago, after I tried asking a girl I
really liked, out but failed due to lack of courage (in other
words, extreme shyness). It was shortly after this that I began
having bouts of extreme loneliness which are often accompanied by
hopelessness and depression.

Holy Batman, your description seems like mine current & past
situation. First rejection, 6-7 years ago, was quite hard to take.
I felt quite low in spirits; could not be in interested in anyone or
anything else for about an year. I realized that being obsessed
that long was quite a mistake

It took some time to build courage to ask again anybody i would like
to be with for a meeting. Now, i just ask, though still not the
first i see somebody, hell w/ the fear or embarrassment of
rejection. So far it has been the same reason for declining the
meeting; anybody care to guess?

.
.
.

"Already in a relationship" it is.


And i do feel the loneliness when i see a couple displaying public
affection. The feeling does not come at the sight. The general
feeling of being alone (to be exact, without somebody to love and to
be in love with somebody) comes when i have empty time on my hands.
Sight of a couple does give me hope for myself though oddly enough.


One day the woman i ask won't be in a relationship ... hopefully
that day won't be my last day in this universe.


- parv

[Tony]

Post by parv
wrote Tony ...

Post by Tony
I need to understand how to stop frequent feelings of loneliness I
have. They started a few months ago, after I tried asking a girl I
really liked, out but failed due to lack of courage (in other
words, extreme shyness). It was shortly after this that I began
having bouts of extreme loneliness which are often accompanied by
hopelessness and depression.

Holy Batman, your description seems like mine current & past
situation. First rejection, 6-7 years ago, was quite hard to take.
I felt quite low in spirits; could not be in interested in anyone or
anything else for about an year.

Same here. I found it hard to smile to anyone. But I have no problem
with rejection unless it's caused by me accidently giving off wrong
impression as it was in my case.
I had always been a happy person before all this began. Believe it or
not, I don't think I've ever felt lonely in my entire life. And until
now never knew what loneliness was. I felt so empty, it's was very
depressing!
No matter how hard I tried I couldn't get her off my mind and couldn't
stop missing her a lot.

I can sense the loneliness fading however. My sense of humour as
returned. The girl is no longer available, but has spoken to me
recently which made the loneliness fade a little more. How? By having
us share things about ourselves - it seemed all I needed to do was to
talk with her! By sharing information I found difference between us I
wasn't aware of. The short conversation we had faded the loneliness
and brought my sense of humour back. It seemed like she understood
what I had gone through and the thought of that, almost brought tears
to my eyes! Now I'm torn between continuing or moving on. She and her
friend are very happy together so I think it best to move on. I
still miss her but not like before. And the loneliness has faded a
little more.

Tony

Post by parv
And i do feel the loneliness when i see a couple displaying public
affection. The feeling does not come at the sight. The general
feeling of being alone (to be exact, without somebody to love and to
be in love with somebody) comes when i have empty time on my hands.
Sight of a couple does give me hope for myself though oddly enough.

Same here. There are numerous times during the day or evenings when I
wish I had someone to talk to. It's ok to be alone but not lonely.

Thanks for replying!
Tony

Post by parv
- parv

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[tariq rahim]

x-no-archive: yes

even in a crowd i feel alone. so the word bout is not accurate. more
like constant and perpetual lonelydom


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