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Sam Imani

2004-07-04 19:32:14 UTC

The worst way to manage being alone is to focus on the problem of
being alone. �Lonely people are lonely because of a cult of wrong
attitudes, distorted self-perceptions and other seemingly unrelated
problems. �It may be hard for you to see how unemployment and being
overweight, compounded by the residual of your past bitter
experiences, have caused you despair and a self-cobsciousness that
condemns you to being alone. �These circumstances change your outlook
on life and you; they diminish your enthusiasm; and erode your faith
in you and others - that is what keeps alone. �If you rose above the
cult of personality that is �based on your bad finances, your weight
and your past failures; if you were driven to some purpose with hope,
if you tasted some limited success in some pursuit, you would feel and
think differently about yourself and its momentum would help you break
free.

All that may seem evident to you, but what may not be is how to
resolve it. �Start with simple, managable tasks, make them into a
mission and your primary focus. �First work on your weight - erase all
other concerns and needs, especially being alone, �from your mind.
Start from changing a simple thing in your life that you have been
lazy about, especially things that seem most unusal for you - if
getting out of bed at 6:00AM for exercise is just not your cup of tea,
then focus on that alone.....make that your singular mission. Go for
the hour or hour and a half vigorous walk in the morning. Within 2-3
weeks, if you manage doing that everyday, you will find you have
acquired somehting new and exciting: No, not the loss of some weight,
but a sense of control and success. �Then you will find it easier to
try other things to control and succees in: avoiding certain foods,
taking pride in the tidiness of your apartment or your daily clothes.
Then, resting onthis renewed sense of control, you will find it easier
to add more challenging tasks to your list of new things to do:
talking to strangers - starting with people you find less
intimidating, being friendly, saying something that exhibits your
liking life and appreciating other people, develpoing a sense of humor
that runs past your present troubles �In time, you will find you have
a whole new attitude toward life. �That new attitude will fix other
things in your life. �But the formula is simple: make success in
acheiving simple things carry you into a sense of cotrol over your
life and into newer more difficult tasks. �All you have to do is have
the discipline to start with the small things and put out the larger
problems out of your head for a while. �What you need simply put is to
believe that you are in charge and you can make things happrn. �Good
luck!

SAM

Post by sniffle
I just found this group, and read some of the posts. They struck a
chord in me. I'm not really sure why I feet the need to post this
about myself, but I think perhaps I want to feel a part of a group,
not quite so alone. I hope that is good enough.
I'm a 39 year old lady living in Canada, completely and utterly alone.
I have no family, few friends, and as of a few days ago, no job. I'm
working on that one though.
My self-esteem and self-confidence are at an all-time low. I've
realized that I will probably never be with anyone again, and it hurts
so very much. My lack of financial success prohibits me from even
attempting to talk to many people, and the fact that I am, and have
been for a long time, overweight, only makes it more difficult for me
to be hopeful. I know there are ladies out there who are a lot larger
than me, who are unable to work, who have problem families/friends,
and assorted other troublesome situations, and yet they seem to be
able to find someone to love. I'm jealous of them. So very jealous.
I've never asked for much. I don't need a man with lots of money, or
GQ looks. Just a nice man who is kind, intelligent, affectionate, and
thoughful. I'm easy going. I'm not a smoker and I drink only a little,
socially. I don't do drugs. I have a good sense of humor. I am
reasonably intelligent, though not college educated. I'm just not
young, slim, or finacially successful. But that is like a huge brick
wall that cannot be hurdled for me.
I've made some mistakes in my life, who hasn't? None have been so
terrible that I was ever in jail or any such thing. I've done a few
things that I am not proud of, but not in recent years certainly. I've
worked hard to try to become a better person, but it doesn't seem to
get me anywhere except further down the road into lonliness and strong
feelings of failure.
And so I've come to this point in my life, where it seems everyone
around me is happy and loved and I am not and never will be. And it
hurts.
I'm feeling quite lost. I don't really want to continue life like
this, but I see no way to change it. I'm not suicidal, I am just
feeling bleak. Is there any way to get past the awfulness of knowing
you will always be alone? I could manage if I could accept it, but so
far I haven't been able to.
-sniffle